comment gone postal

I started this as a comment to you michelle, but just kept writing so I am going to post it instead!

doesn't it feel good to get that off of your chest, sort of like a new beginning can happen all over again! I'll sit down and really spill the beans today so you don't feel so bad. Now we both need to make a decision to get back on track and stay there, going back and forth like we both did this week, only takes us backwards. We can't make progress if we don't stay persistent! So we have to stay on track and not let ourselves off the hook too easy! if we cheat, let's cheat smaller. make up your mind, i'm going to make mine up right now. say it over and over, no more big cheats. every time you lift it to your mouth think, i am not going to cheat. I have a goal, I am going to reach it, i feel better when i dont eat it, even if it feels good for a moment when i do eat it, i feel more satisfied long term, when i dont. i baked yesterday, wait til you hear about my day. sometimes it helps me if i say, i am better than this, and I don't need it in my life right now, or ever. sometimes i have to be extreme mentally to make the littlest changes in my actions these days. so here's to me and you not doing that again! I promise to you that I will not cheat big again, if i need to satisfy my taste buds, i will take a bite and give it to my husband or throw it away. after i start wasting food, that really helps me not take it at all. I always feel guilty doing that. it helped me though the first time i was doing this to stop taking sweets altogether. i felt like a bulimic but i wasn't throwing up i was just throwing away and my room mate in college was bulimic and i used to get so pissed that she was wasting the food because she knew she was eating it just to throw it up later. I mean i cared about her and i was worried, i spent a lot of time trying to help her and she was very stubborn and she got mad at me so then i just got mad that she was wasting the food. I ended up calling her mom before she went home for the summer, that really ended the friendship, but it got her some help at least.
sometimes taking the treats seems necessary like Kara said, it's hard when someone offers it for their birthday and you feel bad saying no because that hurts people's feelings for some reason. it's sort of like they are asking you to celebrate with them and you are refusing. weird society we are in, but it's true. so at work i usually take the cupcakes and then give them away later to different teachers or other students. i can't tell you the number of times i have done that. through the holidays though it was harder because so many sweets were out and about, no one needed extra. so i threw my fair share away, but i shoved my fair share into my mouth as well. ha ha
then if i am going somewhere and I don't think there are going to be healthy choices i have to really take a good inventory of myself and where i am at that day. If I feel like I have a lot of self-control, I might eat something healthy before i go that is satisfying enough for me to refuse everything else. If I think that I won't be able to say no that day then i try hard to not eat too much before the event and then try to take small portions of the bad stuff.
Last night was mike's christmas party for work. Before we went I ate some avacado, turkey and string cheese. Then when we went through the buffet I filled my plate half full with carrots and green beans (but i am always weird about this because I don't know how they have prepared them, but i figure out of all the choices, besides the fresh stuff, this has the most nutritional value at least) and then about 1/5 of cranberry sauce so i only took one chicken breast and a bun (which I also wouldn't normally take because I am weird about starch when I am really watching what i eat, so this is a good sign, i haven't completely checked into eating right yet). then a little bit of salad and that was it. MIke grabbed a cheesecake after wards and I had three bites of it. but i also had two glasses of wine. i could have done better. but i could have done worse and it doesn't take away the fact that I wasn't going to drink alcohol and I ate about 5 cookies or more before we went while i was baking. i am sure I ate more actually. i didn't even bother to keep track.
but baking is done now. school is done for a couple of weeks now. i am going to go make up for my workout i missed yesterday today and I am going to eat right again. I have my friends birthday tonight, but they are going out for sushi, so it should be easy for me to eat right. edamame, some fishy on rice. nothing too extreme and not too much.
I started out today with egg whites, mushrooms, and spinach. 2 cocoa-nut muffins (I still need to post that recipe) and almond butter with a delicious coffee. I am just waiting for my jet lagged husband to wake up and then I am heading to the gym for weights and a 5 mile run.
love to you...................